


Weight of Memories [FIC UNDER CONSTRUCTION]

by dani_dabbles



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood-centric, Alec Lightwood/Raj - Freeform, Alec has special abilities though, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Angst, BAMF Alec Lightwood, F/M, FBI Agent Luke Garroway, Hodge Starkweather is kinda good, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane has secrets, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Mundane Magnus Bane, Not Beta Read, POV Alec Lightwood, POV Magnus Bane, Valentine Morgenstern Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dani_dabbles/pseuds/dani_dabbles
Summary: **This fic is being reconstructed, renamed and revamped. Be back soon with updates!**Alec didn't remember his life outside Circle Enterprises. Since the time he was old enough to talk this has been his “home”. As their prisoner. As their weapon. Forced to use his abilities of memory reading and erasure for their black market dealings, Alec found little joy in his life. That's until Camille came to Circle Enterprises. Camille with her memories full a man that captivates Alec. His makeup, his stylish clothes, his deep brown eyes, his bright laugh. Alec logged every detail. Joy radiated from him so strongly Alec could feel it thru Camille’s memory. It was like a balm for Alec. When his sleep is filled with nightmares, when he’s consumed by pain from a headache, when he’s forced into confinement for being uncooperative, Alec’s thoughts wandered to Camille’s Magnus.
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 18
Kudos: 93





	Weight of Memories [FIC UNDER CONSTRUCTION]

**Author's Note:**

> This fic stems from a prompt I posted on Twitter back in October 2019. You can find that tweet thread here: https://twitter.com/Dani_Dabbles/status/1187588411177209856?s=20
> 
> Happy Reading Lovelies!

**Project Raziel**

**Subject Number: 003**

**Subject Name: Alec**

**Age: 5 years**

Alec sat in the hard gray metal chair, his small legs too short to reach the floor so they swung under the table in a fidgety manner. He leaned an elbow on the table with his head propped in his right hand, his left hand held a tissue to his face as he stared at the door to his room. Alec felt the slow trickle from his nose. He pulled the tissue back from his face to inspect it. _Blood. Ew. Bleh_ . Alec hated blood. It was so gross. And slimy. Hodge said the blood just showed how brave Alec is. And Alec really wanted to be brave and strong. But he also hated how the blood tastes when it goes down the back of his throat. It always made him want to throw up. He did throw up once. He’d been training with Hodge - his nose always bleeds when using his superpowers - but on the way back to his room, he’d swallowed some of the icky blood and then promptly threw up in the hallway. And all over Panghorn’s shoes. The big, bald man said a lot of bad words (that Hodge said Alec can’t ever repeat) and had called Alec a baby because he couldn't handle a little nose bleed. Alec hadn’t thrown up since, because he’s brave like the superheroes in the books Hodge has read him...and he was _not_ a baby. 

Alec’s stomach rumbled. He considered knocking on the door of his room to ask for a snack when said door suddenly opened and a man waltzed in holding a clipboard in one hand and a tote bag in the other. He was kind of tall with blond hair, short blonde beard and a friendly smile on his face. 

He was Alec’s best friend. 

The man settled into the other gray chair across the table. Alec took in his standard uniform: grey pants and a black collared shirt with the red CE logo on the breast. But the bag interested him more. Alec was barely big enough to see over the table between them so he pulled his legs into the chair to sit on his knees waiting to see what Hodge had brought him today. The older man smiled at him, gray eyes shining. 

“You did very well today Alec. I know Mr. Morgenstern is pleased as well.” Hodge beamed. “I think you deserve a reward, what do you think?”

Alec dropped the blood-soaked tissue on the table, tilted his head to the side, tapped his finger to his lips and scrunched his face as he was his options. “I think I would like some new comic books?” 

“And I think I can do that,” Hodge smirked and turned to rustle around in the bag at his feet. 

“Can I ask a question?” Alec piped up suddenly. Hodge stopped his movements and glanced back up over the edge of the table considering the young boy. 

“Um. Well. I guess that depends on the question. What do you want to know?”

“Do I have a mom and dad?” Alec asked, suddenly serious. He held the older man’s gaze and watched for any sign he might be lied to. It was something he had been thinking about a lot. There were lots of moms and dads in the books he looked at. And he couldn’t help but wonder if he had some too. 

Hodge straightened in his chair and brought his hands together on the sterile surface of the table and leaned forward to be more eye level with the little boy. “Yes, Alec. Everyone has a mother and a father. Even superheroes like you.”

“Then where are they?”

Hodge sighed at the boy. His pale complexion, wide and innocent hazel eyes, and the shock of messy black hair so in contrast to the white sterile room they sat in. “I can’t answer that, because I honestly don’t know.”

Alec absorbed that information and dropped his gaze to his hands on the table, picking at the small piece of torn skin next to his fingernail, “Do you think they love me?” he asked quietly.

Hodge was quiet for a few moments and Alec peaked up at him through the hair that had fallen over his brows. 

Hodge swallowed. “Who wouldn’t love you kiddo?”

“But-“

“I think that’s enough for now don’t you? Let me show you the goodies I brought you!”

The boy blinked, dropped his hands down into his lap, his eyes following. His small voice was sad but resigned, “Okay.”

Determined to make him smile, Hodge pulled out a comic from the bag, “Look at this one! Captain America. I don’t think you’ve seen this one before.”

Alec’s gaze snapped up to the book Hodge was sliding toward him. A new comic! He loved the superhero comics Hodge brought him a few weeks ago. And he’s looked them over a million times. Alec immediately began flipping through the newly offered comic as Hodge pulled out a juice box and small thing of cookies from the bag. 

Alec thought that maybe if he becomes as strong as the heroes in his books, then maybe he could find his mom and dad. He didn’t know what they looked like or where they were but he missed them anyway. 

And Alec bet they missed him too. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Project Raziel**

**Subject Number: 003**

**Subject Name: Alec**

**Age: 7 years**

Alec sat on the white rug with his chin propped on one hand, while the other rolled a wooden truck back and forth. He wasn’t playing, not really. Just lost in the repetition. Back and forth, back and forth. He was soooo bored. He asked Hodge many times if there are any other kids here, someone for him to play with. Alec had always wondered if there are other kids like him here. But Hodge ignored his questions. Alec’s been really good lately, he hadn’t cried after using his powers in a long time. Hodge has been teaching Alec to sift through memories to find specific things. And yesterday, he was able to find a memory from Hodge’s past. It was a really long time ago, buried deep in his head. 

Alec’s task was to find the name of the school Hodge attended. Alec had taken Hodge’s hand and closed his eyes tight as the room tilted around him. Every time Alec used his powers he felt a bit dizzy. It was like stepping into an endless room filled with images, sounds, voices all of which swirled around him. Alec felt like he’s in a tornado of overwhelming senses and it was a little scary. But he’d learned how to look for certain ones and how to sort through the chaos. As memories flew at him, he batted them away, mentally telling them “Go away!” when he realized they weren't what he wants. Yesterday, Alec felt like he stood in the storm of Hodge’s past for hours before a memory swirled past him and caught his attention. Alec mentally grabbed for it and was sucked in. He saw the memory from Hodge’s eye, but with a strange sort of detachment. Hodge’s body, his body, but _not_. Hodge jumped out of his mom’s car and ran up the steps to a large brick building. There was a group of boys waiting for him on the top step and they entered the building laughing and shoving each other. Over the front doors, in big black letters was IDRIS ACADEMY. Once he found the information requested, Alec broke the connection by yanking his hand from the older man’s. 

Released from the storm, Alec’s head had immediately begun to throb and his nose had a steady stream of blood running down his mouth and chin. He’d stuttered out his discovery to Hodge, who quickly hauled him to the bathroom, cleaned him up and then escorted him back to his room to sleep. Alec’s head hurt all night and his nose bled a lot. Like a lot, a lot. But he never cried. Not once. Hodge said Alec didn’t have to train today and gave him a few more wooden cars and trucks to play with as his reward. 

But now, alone in his room. Alec felt just fine. He’s proud of what he did yesterday. It’s taken two years for Alec to not be afraid of the overwhelming power he has. To not cry from the chaos he finds himself in every time he touches someone's skin. He’s learning control. 

But right now, he’s really, really bored. He abandoned the truck on the floor and stood up to look at his room. It was a boring space. Everything was white or gray and _boring_. White walls, white floors, gray rug, a small gray table, and two gray chairs pushed up against one wall. His bed is in the corner had plain white sheets and a gray blanket. His bathroom was all white too. The pile of clean clothes they brought him earlier sat in a basket next to the door. The only thing in it was white shirts and light gray sweatpants. Alec sometimes wondered why The Circle hated color so much? If he could, Alec would paint his walls red and blue because so many superheroes use those colors. But everything in this building - at least the few rooms and halls Alec has seen were white and gray. Even the building was boring. 

Deciding he better do his chores before Hodge shows up and makes him, Alec slumped over to the toys spread haphazardly on the floor. He tossed them into a plastic bin and slid it under his bed. He moved to his small bookshelf and straightened up his books. Next, Alec drug the laundry basket to his dresser and put away his clothes. And finally, he made his bed with a fresh set of white sheets and a gray blanket. With his chores completed, Alec fell onto his bed, face half buried in the pillow. He peeped an eye at the stack of books on the table by his bed. No one is around to read to him and he didn’t feel like looking at the pictures again. Alec sighed. He wished he could read better but he only knew a few words. He thought back to the memory of Hodge as a kid running up to his school. Alec felt his excitement through the memory. Hodge liked school and liked learning. 

Alec wanted to go to school too. The superheroes in the stories Hodge read to him were all really smart. They knew lots of things about a lot of things. So if Alec was a superhero, then he needed to be smart too. Alec decides he is going to ask Hodge about going to school. He slowly allowed himself to sink further into the pillow, feeling sleepy. He smiled, replaying the memory he collected from Hodge, but this time Alec imagined himself running up the stone steps to Idris Academy. It was his shoulders that the other boys threw their arms around and it was his laugh that rang out into the morning air. 

Yep, Alec really wanted to go to school. Lots of books, lots of learning and lots of other kids. School sounded pretty great to Alec.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Project Raziel**

**Subject Number: 003**

**Subject Name: Alec**

**Age: 13 years**

No one had come to see him today which was slightly unusual. It was late morning and Hodge had not visited yet. And Alec’s breakfast had not been delivered. Instead, Alec ate a granola bar he’d stashed a few days ago and drank some water from the bathroom sink. The floor outside his door was too quiet. Where was everyone?

He’d spent all morning working on his math assignment. Alec hated geometry but loved the challenge of figuring out a subject he didn’t understand. His studies were the most interesting part of his day. But his assignments were all complete and sat on the table for Hodge to collect later. Alec wasn’t sure where the homework came from - only that Hodge produced new work every week for the past six years, and Alec was grateful. School kept him sane. Kept him happy. When he’d asked Hodge years ago if he could go to school, the man had frowned deeply and explained that it wouldn’t be possible for Alec to attend school. Leaving the building wouldn’t be safe for a young boy with abilities like him. Alec may have thrown a bit of a tantrum after that. But Hodge hadn’t relented. He followed up with a long discussion about his safety; how if people discovered what he could do they’d take advantage of him; that he could be hurt. The same spiel Alec had been hearing for years when he asked to go outside. 

However, a week later Alec had come from a checkup with his doctor, to find a stack of workbooks at the table in his room. They’d been better than any gift or reward he’d ever received. And Hodge reworked their weekly schedule to include tutoring hours 3 days a week. Some of Alec’s fondest memories in his limited life were sitting next to Hodge at that table, hunched over a worksheet and sounding out his letters. Learning to string them together to form words and then sentences and then entire books. The whole process opening him up to novels and stories and words of escape. He liked science well enough and math was alright. But reading and writing was a balm to a hurt he didn’t even know existed at the time. He sometimes wondered if there were other children his age that loved getting lost in a science fiction story or classic novel to distract themselves from things in their life they’d rather not think about. 

Alec had a lot of things he’d rather not think about.

Alec’s world was small. And he had only one friend - Hodge. Panghorn and Blackwell guarded him but rarely interacted with him. Alec wasn’t even sure they were capable of forming whole sentences to carry on a conversation. Mr. Valentine occasionally stalked through Alec’s hallway to speak in hushed tones to Hodge but he never talked to Alec. There were a handful of other people in his orbit. Jane, a seemingly kind older woman who kept him fed. Vasquez kept Alec’s room clean and his bathroom functioning. And Dr. Verlac, his doctor, performed physical examinations and monitored Alec’s brain during training. This was his world, his normal. But lately, he had taken to observing his life in a detached sort of way. An awareness of his life has taken hold of him. A new realization of how abnormal _his normal_ might be. He read books, he saw plenty of memories of the outside world. And it occurred to him that the lives he witnessed through words and minds were one he may not be permitted to have. But he would be an adult one day, they can’t keep him here after that...could they?

These nagging questions constricted his chest if he thought too long on them. Getting lost in his work and training deterred him from overthinking. But this particular morning provided none of those distractions. Where was Hodge? Did Alec do something wrong? Was this a weird sort of punishment? Alec sat cross-legged on his bed as he stared at the door of his room. He replayed yesterday’s training with Hodge trying to figure out if they were upset with him. But he thought he did a good job. It had been a timed exercise. He was given information to find and only a small increment of time to drive into Hodge’s mind and locate the appropriate memory. He had been wrung out and tired by the end but had completed each in the designated time. Hodge had given him no indication that he had failed. 

Hodge trained him each and every week. Sometimes he brought volunteers, people who worked for Circle Enterprise, for Alec to practice on. Memories no longer overwhelmed him. He had learned to control the chaos or at least understand it better. Walking into someone’s head was an endless dark, images, and sounds of memories surrounding him. He’d learned to drown out the noise and focus on what he wanted to find, to force the memory to come to him. Or sometimes, if the subject focused on a specific memory, Alec could step right into it, no searching required. But each mind was unique to the individual. They felt different. That darkness consisting of feelings and sensations unique to that person. Hodge’s mind reminded Alec of the leather chair in Hodge’s office. A bit worn but sturdy and welcoming. Since Hodge was Alec’s main contact and the person he trained with weekly, his mind felt the most familiar to Alec. But there were others. Doctor Verlac was a regular in the training room. His mind crisp, a bit cold and sterile not unlike the man himself. Jane volunteered on more than one occasion. Her mind was soft, soothing, like a comforting embrace that left Alec almost in tears for the absence of the gentle presence of her mind. 

Ugh. Where was everyone? He hoped they didn’t forget to bring him lunch because he was hungry. 

A little while later Alec’s lay on his bed and mentally recited the periodic table trying to distract himself when he heard a muffled shout from the hallway. Alec shot up from his bed, senses on high alert.

“You can’t be down there Clarissa. Come back here, right now!” Hodge’s voice echoed down the hallway outside Alec’s room. Alec’s breathing sped up, unsure of what was happening. Clarissa? He didn’t know a Clarissa. That was not the name of any of the guards assigned to him or any of the other caretakers he’d crossed paths with over the years. Then he heard the sound of feet hitting tiled floors and as a giggling voice shouted, “Come on Uncle Hodge I’m just looking around!” Alec jumped from his bed and practically slapped himself against his door. This was another kid! On his floor! And getting nearer to his door buy the sound of footsteps. 

Alec peered out the window of his locked metal door, his breath half fogged up the narrow pane of glass when a shock of red overtook his vision. Alec jerked back at the unexpected color. Then he was staring at wide green eyes that peered at him from the other side of the glass. From his limited view, Alec supposed she is a little younger than him by two or three years and a whole lot shorter. He could tell that she is on her tippy toes trying to see him.

“Woah! Hi! Who are you? Why are you in there?” the girl demanded eyes wide.

Alec wanted to say something, but he had no words on his tongue and no good explanation for her. Why wouldn’t he be in here? But he wanted to say something to make the girl stay, to have a friend. But before he could even stutter out a hello much less answer her questions, Hodge caught up to her, breathing hard. He reached for her and clasped around the paint-splattered denim jacket over her arms. “Clarissa! You can’t be here!” Hodge hissed not meeting Alec’s face through the door. All of his attention bore into the young girl. Alec thought he looked scared. “Your father won’t be happy if he knew you wandered away. You know you’re not allowed in the basement. Now, come on. Let's go. Maybe he won’t notice your absence or ask about your little field trip down here.” He pulled her by the upper arm and away from Alec’s door.

“But who is that!? Why is he in there? Does he _live_ here? Is he okay?” he heard the young girl spouting off questions that loudly bounced of the hollow corridor until her voice was swallowed up by distance. If Hodge answered her, the replies were lost to Alec. Tears started to form in his eyes. He sniffed, wiped his nose and trudged back to his bed. He climbed up, crawled to his pillow, pulled the white blanket up to his chin and rolled to face the wall, back to the door. He saw another kid, just like him. A girl named. _Clarissa_. He closes his eyes and images what it would have been like to talk with her. To ask her questions. To have a friend. But what was the point? Hodge took her away. And Alec was alone. 

Alec remained in his bed for the rest of the day. He ignored Hodge when the man personally brought in dinner to eat together and instead sulked in silence at their shared table.

The following morning Alec remained in bed. He could play with the handheld video game device Hodge had gifted him several months back or read one of the many books piled next to his bed, but he couldn’t find any excitement at the thought. No matter what he did, he would do it alone. Loneliness wasn’t new to Alec but he was old enough now to recognize it and feels its constant pressure on his body. Alec couldn’t explain why Hodge taking the girl away from him had hurt him, except that there was a strong sense of betrayal he couldn’t shake.

A few hours later, Hodge entered his room. Alec was prepared to ignore him again but Hodge spoke. “Get up Alec. Come with me. Now.” Alec shifted from looking at the ceiling to look at his friend in the doorway. Panghorn and Blackwell stood behind him with their arms crossed and faces stern. Alec paid them little attention, though. It was the cold, hard voice of Hodge that has his insides suddenly churning. 

“Am I in trouble?” Alec asked unable to keep the waver out of his voice as he slowly pulled himself up and swung his feet to the floor.

Hodge remained stoic and stern, “Mr. Morgenstern decided we needed an extra training session this week.” 

“Oh. Okay.”

Mr. Morgenstern never made requests of Alec directly. From Hodge’s memories, he had gleaned that Valentine Morgenstern possessed a brilliant mind and had started Circle Enterprise from the ground up. The company specialized in technology and weaponry development. The government often referred to them for customized tools and weapons. Hodge had been with him from the very beginning and his memories of his longtime friend were usually coated in admiration, loyalty but also fear. Alec often saw Mr. Morgenstern, bald head and imposing suits, in passing when he was being escorted from the training room to his bedroom. But the imposing man usually just nodded at him in recognition. Alec couldn't figure out what the man wanted from him today after all these years. Hodge insisted Mr. Morgenstern had saved Alec. Had rescued him from people who meant him harm when he was a baby. That Mr. Morgenstern cared deeply for Alec even if he didn’t show it directly. Hodge says he wanted Alec well taken care of, rained to use his ability and most importantly protected. 

Alec approached Hodge who put his hand on Alec’s shoulder and guided him from the room. They turned left out of his room and down the white, bright hallway. They passed several doors with plaques beside them: Laundry, Break Room, Kitchen, Conference Room, Sleeping Room, but Hodge halted them outside the second to last door on the right, Observation Room. Hodge ran a plastic card in the reader over the handle, a two-tone alert, green light and the door unlocked. Hodges shouldered the door open and ushered Alec inside. It was a plain room with white walls with a table and chairs scattered about and a computer in the front corner facing a wall with a wide expanse of glass. Alec approached the window and recognized the adjoining room as the one he and Hodge trained in every week. But the sight of the person currently occupying the space had Alec’s heart thudding painfully between his ribs. He looked up to Hodge who has joined him at the window with his back rigid and hands clasped behind his back. A soldier's stance. But his voice was gruff and quiet when he finally speaks, 

“Her name is Clarissa Morgenstern. She is Mr. Morgenstern’s daughter. She’s the girl you saw outside your door yesterday.”

Alec took in this information with wide eyes and he turned his attention to the girl on the other side of the glass. She sat in the metal chair, hunched over the table as her body swayed slightly - Alec thought maybe she was listening to music. Her bright hair hung down partially obscuring her face as her hands moved quickly and fierce across the pages spread before her.

“Can I meet her?” Alec asked, an eagerness lined each word. 

“Alec,” Hodge sighed out his name. “She saw you yesterday. And she’s been asking about you...constantly. Her father is furious.”

“What? So I _can’t_ meet her?” Alec demanded.

“She knows you’re here and that could put you in danger Alec. We’ve talked about this. We can’t let the world learn about you or your abilities. Not yet. There are people out there that would hurt you for your powers. We’re keeping you safe, from the people you targeted you in the past. But we can’t do that if rumors start that Circle Enterprise houses a boy who can tap into other people’s memories. They’d be breaking down our doors. They’d take you from us. From me.” Hodge’s voice broke with emotion over this last statement.

“But she’s just a kid like me! She’s wouldn’t be a danger and she could be my friend.” Alec’s pleaded now as he blinks away tears of frustration. 

“No, she can’t. She needs to forget she saw you,” the older man bit out the words while watching the girl. He then turned his hard gray eyes to meet teary hazel. “She needs to forget, Alec. Do you understand?”

Alec’s stomach seized and bile burned quickly up his throat. “No. NO. You can’t make me! I won’t do it.” He’s backed up toward the door ready to flee until he hit the metaphorical brick wall that was Blackwell blocking his escape route. “Please Hodge. Please don’t make me do this.”

“The orders come straight from Mr. Morgenstern, Alec. You have too. He will not tolerate disobedience. Especially not on this. But if you do this successfully, then Mr. Morgenstern thinks you are ready to start helping. To have some responsibilities around here.”

Tears tracked down porcelain cheeks as the boy broke, “Please don’t make me do this. _Please, Hodge_.”

Hodge didn’t deign to answer, instead, he nodded to Blackwell and Alec felt the guard’s meaty arms wrap around his waist and pull him up. Alec sobbed and attempted to wrestle himself out of the tight hold as Hodge grabbed his hands and removed the gloves Alec always wore. Then he was manhandled from the room and over to the next. Panghorn opened the door and Blackwell dumped Alec into the room. He stumbled before twisting and trying to flee, but the door slammed shut with a reverberating metallic clang and Alec was sealed in with the red-haired girl. He raised his fist and began to pound on the door to no avail. Not that he expected them to let him out so easily. 

“Hi.”

Alec flinched and kept his back to the girl as he leaned forward against the door. The building anxiety had him feeling flush and the cool metal against his forehead gave no relief. He clenched and unclenched his glove-less hands, missing the protective fabric, the one thing that helped keep his ability in check and allowed him some human contact. 

He didn’t want to look at her. He didn’t want to talk with her. He certainly didn’t want to touch her. Because he didn’t want to take from her. Hodge had instilled in him a sense of pride in his ability, in his uniqueness. And most of the time Alec was proud. The potential of his power and his potential to help others with it drives him to be better. Memories hold knowledge and truths and Alec could tap into them with the simple touch of his hand. 

And he is pretty sure he can also take them away. 

“Hey, can you talk? Or not?”

At a time like this, Alec longed for a more useful superpower, like laser vision or superhuman strength. Anything that could get him out of this room. 

Alec closed his eyes against the sound of her voice. He did not want to be here. He did not want to do this. Why were they making him do this? She was just a girl. She was no threat to him. And she was Mr. Morgenstern’s daughter! Why would he want Alec messing with her head? He had never done this before, though he’d told Hodge that he thought it could do it. When he latched onto a memory it felt tangible around him, like he could lift his hand and tear through it like wet paper. He and Hodge had talked about it at length but always stopped short of actually putting their theory into practice. What if it completely messed up their brain? What if it was painful? Or removing the memory scrambled their brain? What would Valentine do to him if he hurt this girl? Alec knew there was a room on the other end of the hall. A room with no windows, no furniture, no books, no bathroom, nothing. The plaque above it read Confinement. He had been warned about this room but they had never put him in it. But what if? And what if he refused? What would happen to him? 

  
“Fine. If you won’t talk to me. I’ll talk to you.” the girl huffed out. “My name is Clarissa Morgenstern. I’m eleven years old. I live in Brooklyn. I hate my hair - red is just so _ugh_. I love tacos though and I have a pet turtle. My favorite color is probably green? But I love all the colors because I love to draw and paint. My mom is an artist and I want to be just like her when I grow up. She says she doesn’t want me to be a starving artist, but I don’t even know what she means by that so I just ignore her. I have one best friend-”

Alec feared the information being lobbed his way. The more he knew, the harder this ordeal would be, so he decided to shut her up. 

“Alec.” he bit out.

“...his name is S- What did you say?”

“I said my name is Alec.” he enunciated. The sound of scraping metal made him turn and there she was standing right behind him with her hand extended.

“Nice to meet you, Alec!”

Panic rose as he took in her open, happy expression. Her eyes were bright and twinkly and Alec thought it would be easy to be friends with her. 

The bile returned with a vicious vengeance as his eyes fell to her extended hand. A handshake. That’s what she was offering him. A friendly, innocent handshake. And Alec wanted nothing more than to rant and rave at her, to warn her. Because that was not what he was offering her in return. Instead, he lifted his right hand to take hers and thought maybe he did have a secondary ability. Except this one allowed him to see every coming second in agonizingly slow motion, with each vivid detail branded in his memory. 

He slipped his hand into her small, delicate one. There was a black smudge across her thumb, most likely from the pencil she’d been welding before he came into the room. Her purple nail polish was chipped and her hands were smooth. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Clarissa.” 

She smiled even brighter at him.

“And I’m so sorry.” 

Without warning, Alec gripped her hand tight and Clarissa sucked in a breathe. 

Hodge always said that he was aware of Alec roaming through his brain. Like a tingle or flutter. But Clarissa looked like she had been shocked as Alec was pulled into the landscape of her conscience. We stood among her memories focusing on what he needed to find. His focus snagged on the image of his face throw the door’s glass, shocked unblinking hazel eyes. He allowed himself to be pulled into it but he did not linger. Alec was unsure what to do exactly so he closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of the memory around him. He willed it to fade and tried to mentally rip it away from in front of him all the while silently chanting to himself _forget forget forget you say nothing forget forget forget please forget this im sorry._

He opened his eyes to darkness. A blankness he created. He became aware again of the feeling of the small hand in his and slowly pulled away.

Alec returned to himself pain blooming in his temples and blood from his nose running down and dripping off his chin. He met Clarissa’s still stunned eyes just in time to watch them roll back into her head and her body crumple to the ground. 

_Oh god. What did he do?_


End file.
